Well, I had sometime to calm down and regain my energies and focus. I may have stepped into the debauchery that is our modern culture, but I've pretty much discovered it's not for me. If that's not obvious to anyone that read my last post, I feel sorry for you.
Some stuff that's been weighting heavy on my mind has gotten easier. I talked to my best friend that I never realized is my best friend. My mom. You know, with other people I feel the need to be that calm, cool guy, but with my family, especially my mom, I can be the most off the wall person and it makes me glad. I do the most childish stupid stuff when I'm with my mom and I actually enjoy myself when I do it. I never realized how much my mom meant to me. It's also good to know that you can talk to you parents and they won't judge you. My dad is like that, but that's what I expect from him. He has good intentions, just doesn't know how to show them. After my talk with my mom, the weight on my shoulders was lifted. It felt great. It felt wonderful. Hadn't felt that good in a long time. Actually talking to someone that didn't say, "You should do this..." Or "You have to do this.." that actually listened was AWESOME! I guess that's one of the sacrifices I made when I decided I'd be the listener for the people around me who I love.
I had to tell my room-mate's ex-girlfriend (maybe girlfriend again, IDK), that I can't talk to her because she is self centered and ego-centrical. I came close to getting in my depression again and I called her, and all she wanted to is talk about my room mate. I understand that she was going through a hard time, BUT DAMNIT, I WAS AT THE DOOR OF A DEPRESSION!! Also, I felt like she was just hitting me up for information on Chris. I'm not going to be her unwitting spy for her. Chris is my friend and brother. What's sad is I know she has a good, big heart, just doesn't know how to show it.
Now, the only issue that's bothering me is the fact that I need to contact people. During the course of my break, I just dropped off the face of the planet and probably disappointed a lot of people that wanted to hear from me. Ok not a lot of people, I'm like the door man at a restaurant, it's nice to have me there, but if I'm not there, people just shrug and open the door for themselves. Not very important, at least I haven't heard otherwise. You know I've always had this theory that I could just get a load of money and a good car and pick a direction and go for at least 3-7 days w/o anyone seriously raising a big fuss. Wouldn't surprise me. I might test that out this summer, I'm going to try and get a job where I'll be.....somewhere else all summer. See if anyone notices I've disappeared off the face of the earth for 2-3 months. If I don't get the job, then I have other plans, but my heart is set, and I think I have a good chance. Wish me luck.
I think I'm finding myself again. I sort of lost myself in the middle of everything. Too much stress and partying, but I can sort of sense my self coming out of whatever funk I was in. Feel like I survive again. But there is one thing that will change at the end of the summer, I'm not going to be the damn door man anymore. If you don't notice me, I'll close the door on your face. At least that's the plan, especially if I get my dream summer job.
Ok, I'm repeating myself, I'm going to get out of here
~Later dayz
Some stuff that's been weighting heavy on my mind has gotten easier. I talked to my best friend that I never realized is my best friend. My mom. You know, with other people I feel the need to be that calm, cool guy, but with my family, especially my mom, I can be the most off the wall person and it makes me glad. I do the most childish stupid stuff when I'm with my mom and I actually enjoy myself when I do it. I never realized how much my mom meant to me. It's also good to know that you can talk to you parents and they won't judge you. My dad is like that, but that's what I expect from him. He has good intentions, just doesn't know how to show them. After my talk with my mom, the weight on my shoulders was lifted. It felt great. It felt wonderful. Hadn't felt that good in a long time. Actually talking to someone that didn't say, "You should do this..." Or "You have to do this.." that actually listened was AWESOME! I guess that's one of the sacrifices I made when I decided I'd be the listener for the people around me who I love.
I had to tell my room-mate's ex-girlfriend (maybe girlfriend again, IDK), that I can't talk to her because she is self centered and ego-centrical. I came close to getting in my depression again and I called her, and all she wanted to is talk about my room mate. I understand that she was going through a hard time, BUT DAMNIT, I WAS AT THE DOOR OF A DEPRESSION!! Also, I felt like she was just hitting me up for information on Chris. I'm not going to be her unwitting spy for her. Chris is my friend and brother. What's sad is I know she has a good, big heart, just doesn't know how to show it.
Now, the only issue that's bothering me is the fact that I need to contact people. During the course of my break, I just dropped off the face of the planet and probably disappointed a lot of people that wanted to hear from me. Ok not a lot of people, I'm like the door man at a restaurant, it's nice to have me there, but if I'm not there, people just shrug and open the door for themselves. Not very important, at least I haven't heard otherwise. You know I've always had this theory that I could just get a load of money and a good car and pick a direction and go for at least 3-7 days w/o anyone seriously raising a big fuss. Wouldn't surprise me. I might test that out this summer, I'm going to try and get a job where I'll be.....somewhere else all summer. See if anyone notices I've disappeared off the face of the earth for 2-3 months. If I don't get the job, then I have other plans, but my heart is set, and I think I have a good chance. Wish me luck.
I think I'm finding myself again. I sort of lost myself in the middle of everything. Too much stress and partying, but I can sort of sense my self coming out of whatever funk I was in. Feel like I survive again. But there is one thing that will change at the end of the summer, I'm not going to be the damn door man anymore. If you don't notice me, I'll close the door on your face. At least that's the plan, especially if I get my dream summer job.
Ok, I'm repeating myself, I'm going to get out of here
~Later dayz
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