"You have changed"
I hate those 3 words more then I ever thought I would. You know I use to think of change in me as a good thing, but recently, whenever I hear those words directed at me, it's usually followed by a negative reason.
Fuck it. I care about the people who keep saying it to me, but I can't help it. College has been an EXTREME culture shock. My parents grew me up (Hell yeah I'll show my country roots, my parents grew me up) with an understanding that real true love can wait forever if need be, and that sex is something that can wait until the person that God intends for you. Yeah, I'm catholic, Yeah, I'm a virgin. Whoop. It doesn't matter. It feels like I'm the only one now-a-days. I hear girls say, "Yeah, I'm a virgin, but I give good head." Excuse me?! That's not a virgin sweet heart. So I'm very experience compared to everyone around me. I don't like feeling like I'm left out, so does that mean I have to cut short on a value that means a lot to me to just fit in with todays culture? If I do then I think my answer would be FUCK YOU MODERN CULTURE! I don't care if I'm waiting for a girl that doesn't exist anymore, I'll become a priest.
Then there's also the fact that I never realized how selfish people are. It's ALWAYS looking out for number one, the only reason that might not be true is if the person you are with is a good friend and you have some past experience and time with them. In fact the only people that I would safely put in this category for me is my family and then I have a few other people that I would put in a maybe category. I mean when did self standing and power become such a big issue. Now I'm not saying that I'm innocent of this one, I know that one of the reasons I wanted to be a doctor was to be able to have A LARGE disposable income. A good example of this is the relationship with the RUF/NEKS and the RUF/NEK Lil sis'. The NEKS use to have a good amount of control over the lil sis, but they decided that it would be a good idea to let them have said control and not long afterwards, we get all pissed off that they don't wear white skirts anymore? I mean come on! Go to hell. That's stupid. That's just remorse over the fact that you can't feel the lil sis with the hot chicks that the NEKS use to be able to bone. That's just stupid, which goes back to the whole power thing. It's just stupid.
The other thing that pisses me off about what leads this country is the whole thing about greed. I don't think I need to go into any detail about that....
It's just overwhelming sad, and the big thing is that I didn't really realize it. Now that I'm trying to come to terms with all this stuff that I should have realized, I'm going through a change and I'm disappointing people and letting a lot of people down, but I'm just trying to cope, because I'm close to another depression. I mean serious one. I drank practically a whole bottle of tequila one night and passed out, and I don't get hang overs or throw up and the next morning I was like. That was extremely peaceful. Just imagine, a bottle of jack, maybe a bottle of rum and a few beers and you don't have to worry about getting up. Look I apologize to the people I'm letting down, but I really need to focus on myself and see what I can do to make sure I can survive in this world without giving up. I can't quit. I have a little girl that loves me and needs me, and I need to protect her how I can, even if it isn't much BECAUSE OF HER STUPID BITCH OF A MOM!!! FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH!!
I apologize, but I have a lost a lot of innocence and androgyny, but I needed to lose it to live, and hopefully become a person that can actually survive in this fucked up little green and blue ball that we call a planet and letting it go to hell.
*Sighs* If the bible is right and what happens after we get world peace, then I hope we get world peace soon because this little place is going to hell.
I hate those 3 words more then I ever thought I would. You know I use to think of change in me as a good thing, but recently, whenever I hear those words directed at me, it's usually followed by a negative reason.
Fuck it. I care about the people who keep saying it to me, but I can't help it. College has been an EXTREME culture shock. My parents grew me up (Hell yeah I'll show my country roots, my parents grew me up) with an understanding that real true love can wait forever if need be, and that sex is something that can wait until the person that God intends for you. Yeah, I'm catholic, Yeah, I'm a virgin. Whoop. It doesn't matter. It feels like I'm the only one now-a-days. I hear girls say, "Yeah, I'm a virgin, but I give good head." Excuse me?! That's not a virgin sweet heart. So I'm very experience compared to everyone around me. I don't like feeling like I'm left out, so does that mean I have to cut short on a value that means a lot to me to just fit in with todays culture? If I do then I think my answer would be FUCK YOU MODERN CULTURE! I don't care if I'm waiting for a girl that doesn't exist anymore, I'll become a priest.
Then there's also the fact that I never realized how selfish people are. It's ALWAYS looking out for number one, the only reason that might not be true is if the person you are with is a good friend and you have some past experience and time with them. In fact the only people that I would safely put in this category for me is my family and then I have a few other people that I would put in a maybe category. I mean when did self standing and power become such a big issue. Now I'm not saying that I'm innocent of this one, I know that one of the reasons I wanted to be a doctor was to be able to have A LARGE disposable income. A good example of this is the relationship with the RUF/NEKS and the RUF/NEK Lil sis'. The NEKS use to have a good amount of control over the lil sis, but they decided that it would be a good idea to let them have said control and not long afterwards, we get all pissed off that they don't wear white skirts anymore? I mean come on! Go to hell. That's stupid. That's just remorse over the fact that you can't feel the lil sis with the hot chicks that the NEKS use to be able to bone. That's just stupid, which goes back to the whole power thing. It's just stupid.
The other thing that pisses me off about what leads this country is the whole thing about greed. I don't think I need to go into any detail about that....
It's just overwhelming sad, and the big thing is that I didn't really realize it. Now that I'm trying to come to terms with all this stuff that I should have realized, I'm going through a change and I'm disappointing people and letting a lot of people down, but I'm just trying to cope, because I'm close to another depression. I mean serious one. I drank practically a whole bottle of tequila one night and passed out, and I don't get hang overs or throw up and the next morning I was like. That was extremely peaceful. Just imagine, a bottle of jack, maybe a bottle of rum and a few beers and you don't have to worry about getting up. Look I apologize to the people I'm letting down, but I really need to focus on myself and see what I can do to make sure I can survive in this world without giving up. I can't quit. I have a little girl that loves me and needs me, and I need to protect her how I can, even if it isn't much BECAUSE OF HER STUPID BITCH OF A MOM!!! FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH!!
I apologize, but I have a lost a lot of innocence and androgyny, but I needed to lose it to live, and hopefully become a person that can actually survive in this fucked up little green and blue ball that we call a planet and letting it go to hell.
*Sighs* If the bible is right and what happens after we get world peace, then I hope we get world peace soon because this little place is going to hell.
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